Insecurity and Perfectionism

I’ve never been a writer. 

Sometimes i wonder why i even bother to blog when there are already so many good blogs out there! I read about someone else’s life and am inspired by their beautiful words, pictures, their passion, the things that God is teaching them...and at the same time i set myself up against them, wondering why i can’t be as good at life as they are. 

And then God gently reminds me that my blog is NOT about showing other people how “great” i am; nor is my blog is about “softening” my insecurities through the praises of those who read it. 

How easy it is to look to others for approval rather than the One who really matters!

O to rest in the plans that He has for me!

O to breathe in the security of living for Him alone!

Why is it that i feel the need to compare myself to those around me? Why do i need to be the person who has it all together...the mom who isn’t run ragged, the girl who easily fits a size 6 (ha!), the photographer who takes the best pictures? What is with this perfectionistic complex?!?!

Perfectionism...a battle i’ve fought (or not fought depending on my mood) nearly my whole life. It’s a devil that has truly kept me in chains as i’ve struggled with an eating disorder; as my life was consumed by high school and college, “needing” to go above and beyond in all of my classes; and as my mind is continually a stage for comparison to those around me. 

Recently i read the following: 

Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken.

My need for everything to be “perfect” is actually me judging myself, my loved ones, and my life as not good enough. 

(http://www.priscillahalterman.com/make-it-beautiful/)

Broken and not good enough??? What kind of attitude is that?!! My life is most certainly good enough! It is more than good enough :) Those around me are more than good enough! They are beautiful and perfect...each one created in the image of God.

These things i know, and have always known. 

But it is still a battle i fight every day. There are days when i don’t fight so well. I give in to my laziness of mind and give Satan free reign to tear myself and sometimes even others down. But today i am reminded that the battle is one that is worth fighting!

When i can accept myself for who God has made me to be, i can truly live life. I can rest in His love for me, and in turn, i can love others honestly and openly, for they too bear His image!

What freedom to love and be loved when our eyes are fixed on Him!

This photo was submitted to the I Heart Faces photo challenge – www.iheartfaces.com

Mother's Day :)

Sunday was such a special day for me...for the first time in my life, i was a mother on Mother's Day. I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling...i just had such a sense of blessing and joy :)

I've been given a beautiful little girl to poor my love into, and i'm looking forward to every single year that i have with her!

My mom sent me a sweet e-mail w/ a quote about being a mom and a wife from Alyssa Anne at resolved2worship. She said, "It's not anything special or fancy or fashionable but it makes me excited to do what I can with what I have and do it to the best of my ability to bless my husband and family." 

What a beautiful calling :)

Sunday morning my sweet husband made me french toast w/ wild Canadian blueberries :)

At church my little beauty gave me pink and white carnations.

After church, Dave took us to the park to enjoy a picnic lunch that he had prepared. 

The day was gorgeous! We sat on some park benches, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the lunch packed with love. And then we played tennis.

It was perfect :)

Just a few pictures from the day:

mother and daughter 

Brighton hangin' out, stickin' her toesies in the sun while mom and dad played tennis.

We didn't quite get a whole match in before she got fussy, but it was fun :)

I hope we do it again soon!

our house!!!!!

 a little over a month ago, we moved into our house, and slowly but surely things are coming together :)

i love this house...it is a constant reminder of my husband's love for me and our little girl.

he has put so much time and effort into making this little 800 sq. ft. space into a home :)

i've been promising pictures, so here they finally are!

this post will be of the living room, dining room, kitchen, and baby room.

 this is the living room

the doorway where you see the stroller is the entryway

 dave put the fireplace to the left in just for me!!!

not many people up here actually have wood-burning stoves/fireplaces, but i could hardly stand the fact that i was moving north and didn't have a fireplace! there is just something so cozy and inviting about the crackling burn of wood, and the mesmerizing flickering of flames...reminds me so much of home :)

eventually the fireplace will get stone around it, but summer work is in full swing now, so it'll be a bit

i love my 2 accent swivel chairs :)

they fit perfectly against that small wall and add a bit of "pop" to the room without making it feel too crowded.  

my big blank wall...not exactly sure what to do w/ it yet, but i'm sure inspiration will come!

i have a few ideas rolling around in my mind :)

dinning room

and our little coffee station is on the wall opposite the dining room table

kitchen - the part the separates the dining room from the kitchen

looking through the open shelves into the kitchen.

this was my idea, and hubby did it for me!

the cabinets we used were pre-fab so he had to custom build the open shelving

i love the way it turned out!

hanging glasses :)

looking from the dinning room into the kitchen

and then the sink is to the right

and the fridge/freezer is to the left

notice the cute little shelves he put in for my bulk foods...this was his idea!!!

so handy!!! i absolutely love it!

and the baby room...

 still a few things here and there that i would like to do, but i'm so happy w/ how it's looking!

 and of course i can't do a blog post w/out at least a few pictures of Bump :)

 about two weeks ago she discovered her toes and has been playing w/ them ever since :)

 i know i've said it before, but i love watching him w/ her :)

 standing "all by herself" and proud of it!

nap time in her swing

and hanging out on the floor

i know i'm biased, but what a cutie! ;)

what's happening????

 just what are Brighton and Aunt Marilyn looking out outside the window....

why yes friends, that would be snow... not exactly what i was hoping for on the third day of May ;)

despite the snow, life is good :)

yesterday Dave's mom and aunt arrived at our cozy little home!

we are so blessed to be able to have them spend the rest of the week here w/ us!

Brighton is in high need of some grandma time ;)

cold weather like this calls for a fire :)

our little munchkin sure is a growing! 

here are her 16 and 17 week pictures:

poor Bump had to get shots yesterday...put her out of sorts for a bit :(

well, actually, this is pretty normal at least several times throughout the day

 one thing that always works to cheer her up though, is a stroller ride!

she loves them :)

 and lastly...

this past weekend dave and i drove to Dryden to pick out some furniture for our living room. 

along the way we ran across a mama bear and her 2 cubs

not something you get to see every day!

More of Munchy

Next Sunday our sweet little Bump will be 4 months old!!!

This past month, she's hit a few milestones:

#1: she had her first adventure to the pool :) and she loved it! 

Dave and i decided to take her one evening after he got off work. I love seeing him interact with and love on her :)

 all tuckered out and bundled up after her swim

#2: she's strong enough to spend some time in her johnny-jump-up...but she mostly just chews on it lol

#3: she rolled from her back to her tummy for the first time on Easter Sunday! so proud of her :) Since then she has done it 3 or 4 more times, and just the other day she went from her tummy to her back for the first time :) The problem with the whole rolling thing though, is that she hates to be on her stomach, and she gets herself stuck when she rolls onto it...so funny looking! I can always tell when she has done it because i hear her grunting and becoming quite upset about the predicament that she has gotten herself into :)

closing shot:

 my 2 monkeys :)

it's been a rainy, fun w/ photoshop kind of day

today, i went for the vintage look :)

i tell you what, this little munchkin sure is blessed to have a dad who loves her soooooo much!

and i'm a blessed wife to have a husband who loves me soooooo much too! ;)